Date Night is So Cliché

In just about every magazine article you read about rekindling your relationship, a regular date night is among the top suggestions. Date night, date night, date night. We see it so much, that it almost seems cliché. Here's the thing - a cliché is a cliché because it stands the test of time. A regular date night works for several reasons. Two of them are:

1 - It puts your relationship at the top of the priority list.

2 - It gives you and your spouse a break from the "stuff" of daily life.

So many things compete for your time and attention - work, kids, friends, family, work, community commitments, the next episode of True Blood, work, your Blackberry (or iPhone), kids, Twitter, Facebook, NFL pre-season. Did I mention work and your children?

With all of that, you have to work at making sure your relationship doesn't get lost in the crowd. Date night is just one of many ways to do that. A lunch-time date works too. So take out your smartphones, open the calendar and carve out some time for you and your sweetie.

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Natasha's Pick: Take Back Your Marriage

Another therapist suggested this book to me, and I am so glad he did (Thanks, Jeff!). I've since added it to my library of suggested books for couples who come to me for counseling. Take Back Your Marriage by William (Bill) Doherty, PhD is for the couple who is ready to but their marriage back in the #1 spot. He discusses all of the things couples let take priority over their marriage - work, children, community obligations,  just to name a few. He even discusses how therapists who are not pro-marriage can negatively affect the course of treatment. He then outlines things you and your spouse can do to do just what the title states - take back your marriage.

I must confess, I've been a Bill Doherty fan for a while. I'm an even a bigger fan after reading this book. I agree with his outlook on marital therapy and believe that taking a pro-marriage stance is a great way to work with couples in distress. I also really dig the site that he and his daughter Elizabeth created, www.thefirstdance.com - for couples wanting to manage the relationship stress of wedding planning.

Okay, okay, back to the book. I think it's full of helpful and useful information for the couple in need. As with any self-help book, it only works if you do the work and stick with it. Otherwise, it becomes just another thing you "tried that didn't work".

If you feel your marriage is slipping from its top spot in your life, pick up a copy of this book. Your marriage is worth the investment.

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Interfaith Marriage and the Clintons

The news of Chelsea Clinton's wedding has been everywhere. I wish her and Marc Mezvinsky a happy, healthy marriage. I've read a few articles discussing the fact that theirs is an interfaith marriage - Chelsea is Methodist and Marc is Conservative Jewish.

Photo by Genevieve de Manio

Opinions on interfaith marriages vary greatly, especially when the discussion turns to children. If the couple hasn't discussed it privately and shared their plans with the families, it can turn very ugly very quickly.

It is my hope that Marc and Chelsea (and all other couples who got married this weekend) spent time planning their marriage. A big part of that is discussing the importance of each person's faith and how they plan to incorporate it into their new life.

When it comes to faith, couples have to consider holidays, important rites of passage, what to teach the children, and practicing one's own faith while supporting the other in their practice, just to name a few. I always say to couples...there is no right or wrong, you just have to decide what's right for you. Both partners have to be open and honest. They should take the time to discuss this very important aspect of life. It's a conversation that, hopefully, continues over the course of the marriage as a person's relationship with their faith can change over time. At the very least, it should be discussed before the wedding. That is what the engagement period is for. Isn't it?

To the newleyweds - Mazel tov! and Congratulations!

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Consulting ≠ Control

Why is it that people confuse consulting their partner with that person wanting to control their lives?

When you enter into a relationship, you have to be prepared to consult your partner on both major and minor decisions. It's no longer only about you, your wants and your needs. You now have to consider another person when making decisions about major purchases, accepting a dinner invitation for both of you, going for a girls’/guys’ night or weekend. Somehow, this is regularly equated with "having to ask permission" which leads to unnecessary anger and arguments under the banner of “I’m a grown man/woman! You don’t tell me what to do. I don’t need your permission to spend MY hard earned money.” Blah. Blah. Blah.

Too many folks, especially those who get married for the first time later in life (and by later, I mean after 30) make this mistake. Having spent over a decade designing a life just the way you want it, here comes this person messing it all up.

I get that it’s a major adjustment going from “me” to “we”. It takes a little time to change the way you relate to the world. But it’s no longer just about you. And if you want to send the message that your partner is an important part of your life, just ask one simple question before making decisions that affect you both – “does that work for you, honey?”

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What's Your Marriage Mission Statement?

Almost every organization has a mission statement. In that short statement you can get a sense of their core values, purpose and goals. It serves as a guide for every member of the organization as they make decisions for and act on its behalf. Below are the mission statements of a few well-known orgs.

Google: to organize the world's information and make it universally accessible and useful.
Nike: to bring inspiration and innovation to every athlete* in the world.
American Heart Association: Building healthier lives, free of cardiovascular diseases and stroke.

From those very short statements I know, without a doubt, what Google, Nike and AHA are all about. Now you might ask - "What does this have to do with my marriage?" EVERYTHING!


Have you and your spouse discussed what your core values, purpose and goals are as a couple? This is a critical part of setting a solid foundation for a healthy marriage. Most folks have a sense of what their individual values, purpose and goals are. And yes, those play a significant part in deciding what your mission is as a couple. However, the mission of the pair might not be the sum of the two individual missions.


This is no easy task. Nor is it set in stone. It can and should change. Revisit your mission statement regularly. Know what it is and be able to recite it. It's the statement that will guide you when making decisions on behalf of the the marriage - it's kind of important if you ask me.

And if you have children, you should also consider doing a Family Mission Statement. Include them in the process. It's one more way to strengthen the family and provide stability for the little ones.

So over the next few days, talk it over with your spouse. Figure out what your core values, purpose and goals are as a couple. Then put it all together in one sentence. And if you'd like to share, please do. Just add your mission statement to the comments section. Maybe another couple can learn and gain inspiration from you.



**Company mission statements snagged from: google.com, nikebiz.com and americanheart.org. Thank you :)

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